Santa or No Santa!!

 

Santa or No Santa?

So I have been thinking lately about "Santa Clause", "Easter Bunny" and the "Tooth Fairy." Growing up my parents always made these SO MUCH fun. I never really thought anything about it. It was just good ol' fun.  Not too long ago I heard a few older women say that they didn't tell their children there was a Santa or anything of that nature because they always wanted their children to know that they would never lie to them. So they didn't want to tell them one day that they were not real and have them wonder why they let them believe in those ideas? While I understand their position, I think about my childhood and what it all meant to me. 

So back in March I asked my mother, "when we found out that Santa wasn't real were we upset or mad at you for telling us that he was real?" My mother's response: "Santa's not real?" "Oh, you have to believe in Santa if you want him to come see you." Mom, come on! I am an adult and now a mother myself. "If you don't believe he doesn't come to see you" Yes, that is my mother for you. When the Christmas music starts playing, we always sing: Grandma got ran over by a raindeer. Of course that song goes WAY back to my grandmother. 

I guess, I am trying to figure out what route to take. While all of that is so much fun, I do understand the other side to that. I don't want our children to think that we lied to them and that they can't trust us. Looking at my childhood, I don't remember EVER feeling that way, nor do I recall my siblings feeling that way. I didn't look at it as them telling us a lie, but just having FUN! Without a DOUBT we will teach our children the meaning of Christmas. Just as our parents did with us. 

Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and Eater Bunny are not real, but Fun. Is there any harm in that? Will our children think that we lied to them or see it as like we were just trying to make it fun for them? I STILL think that it is fun. My parents still make it fun for us "kids", they hide eggs in the yard with money in it? You should see us running around in the yard looking for these eggs. I think we are worse than the kids. What joy and fun it must be for my parents to still enjoy seeing their kids search like CRAZY for these eggs!!  Presents under the tree say "From Santa." And the tooth fairy always left us at least a quarter. But in ALL of my memories, I don't recall ever being mad or upset about finding out that non of these were real. I don't know, maybe every child is different and parents have had different responses. I see both sides to the situation and still not sure what to do. I know what I want to do. I want our children to have fun and mostly to know that they can trust us.

My Blessing.

It has been a LONG time so....lets try this again.

So a lot has happened since I last wrote a blog. The last time I wrote was when I was thinking about the loss/expected due date of our first child. Though I still think about that time I realize that I took everything for granted. I know that God has a purpose and plan for us and we may not always understand but one day we will. I realized AGAIN, that life is so precious. The loss of our first child helped me to appreciate our blessing from God.........Brady. I appreciate everything so much more because of what we went through.

Brady really is my blessing. I am learning so much about myself and from Brady. I have learned that what I didn't REALLY understand as a child I now understand as a mom. Things that didn't makes sense to me then makes sense to me now. I thought I was a patient person, but Brady is teaching me that there is more patience to be had. His SMILE, brightens my life up even more. When things aren't going my way, I have a headache, or just not in a good mood he smiles and it melts my heart. Dalton and I will just watch him (doing whatever he is doing at the moment) and just so amazed. The love I have for him. I recall, not too long ago, my dad asking me..."now do you know how much I love you?" And I knew that he did, but didn't REALLY realize how much until I became a mother. And it puts alot of things into perspective. Like the love and sacrifice God has for us and the giving up is ONLY son. Like the overwhelming joy of holding a baby for the first time. Like what my parents have to endure......the seeing their first child into and out of the world. And what that ALL means to me as a parent.

Dalton is so good with Brady. I am so proud of the support and care he gave me the day that we had Brady. I see how much Dalton loves him and it brings me such joy. He is a great daddy. Brady is growing up so fast. From the time we brought him home, to holding his head up, to smiling and laughing (and sometimes both in his sleep), to trying to roll over, to rolling over, to sitting up, to eating his first cereal, to scooting across the floor, and now to shaking his head "no" (it's cute now, but I know it won't be later). I love him so much. I thank God for him and I now I am understanding as parent what I didn't understand as a child.

I keep thinking about how I would be preparing for our baby that would come in just 3 months. It's hard to believe that it has been that long. That I would know the sex and picking out names. I am at a point right now where I feel so empty. Like my life does not have a purpose. The human part of me keeps wondering if God is hearing my prayers, I feel like I am losing faith and hope of having a healthy family. The Christian part of me keeps telling myself that I know better than to doubt God and that He has a better plan for me. My heart hurts. I long to be pregnant and to hold our baby in our arms, to teach it about God and life. I feel like we have so much to give and teach our children. I feel like I can't catch a break with a lot of things going on in my life. What am I suppose to do with myself. I never thought this would happen to me. I thought that if it ever did that I would be okay because at least I knew that our baby would go to heaven. It has been a lot harder than I thought. I am so emotionally tired.